Moppenhoek (deel 2) |
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Moppenhoek (deel 2)| Veritas |
Gepost op: 30 Mar 2009, 19:12
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Moppenhoek Deel 2:
Mohammad enters his classroom. - What is your name? asked the teacher. - Mohammad, answered the kid. - Here we are in France, there is no Mohammad,from now on your name will be Jean-Francois, replied the teacher In the evening, Mohamed returned home. - The day went well Mohammad? asked his mother. MY name is not Mohammad,I am in France and my name is Jean-Francois - Ah, are you ashamed with your name, are you trying to disown your Parents?, your heritage ?Shame on you .......and ##$%$# she beats him Then she called the father and %$%#$%^he beats him very hard the next day Mohamed returned to school When the teacher saw him with all the bruises she asked: - What happened my little Jean-Francois. -Well Miss , 2hours after becoming French I was attacked by two Arabs. |
 
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| Freddie |
Gepost op: 30 Mar 2009, 21:51
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hahaaaaaaaa schitterend
 -------------------- They can buy, but can't put on my clothes...
I don't want to limp for them to walk... Never would have known of me before... I don't want to be held in your debt... I'll pay it off in blood, let I be wed... I'm already cut up and half dead... I'll end up alone like I began... |
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| Veritas |
Gepost op: 2 Apr 2009, 15:09
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Kaai says to his wife, "My Olympic condoms have arrived... I think I'll
wear gold tonight." His wife says "Why not wear silver and come second for a change." |
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| hanuman |
Gepost op: 2 Apr 2009, 15:23
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vrouwenhumor
 -------------------- Common sense is not that common
VINO 4-ever |
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| Veritas |
Gepost op: 12 Apr 2009, 16:36
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Een oudje: STOLEN CAR > > An inebriated man walks out of a bar with a key in his hand, stumbling back > and forth. > > A cop on the beat sees him and approaches, "Can I help you Sir?" > > "Yessh! Sssshomebody ssshtole my carrr", the man replies. > > The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?" > > "It wasss on the end of thisshh key", the man replies. > > About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's penis hanging out of > his fly. He asks the man, "Sir are you aware that you are exposing > yourself?" > > Confused, the man looks down at his crotch. "Holy shit! My girlfriend's > gone, too!!" |
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| Veritas |
Gepost op: 12 Apr 2009, 16:44
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Een nieuwtje: A man goes to the doctor in desire of a prescription for Viagra. Doctor looks the man over and says, "Viagra can be very dangerous, and we do not just dispense it indiscriminately. Please bring your wife to my office next week and we'll discuss this in more detail." So the next week the man shows up with his wife. The doctor asks to see the wife by herself for a few moments, and she follows him back to the examining room. The doctor asks her to disrobe and she does. He then asks her to turn around a few times, instructs her to get up on the examining table and to turn in various positions. He then tells her she can get dressed and goes out to meet his patient. "Sir," the doctor says, "There is nothing wrong with you. I couldn't get an erection either." |
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| hanuman |
Gepost op: 25 Jun 2009, 20:06
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My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood.
We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it turns green and, when I am in a bad mood, it leaves a big fucking red mark on her forehead. --- A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend, "You won't believe what happened! I was taking a shortcut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to the rails. I untied her, and we had sex over and over again. All the positions; everything!" His friend replies, "That's great! Did you get a blowjob?" "No, I couldn't find her head." ---- A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "Quick! Bring me a beer before it starts!" She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "Quick! Bring me another beer! It's gonna start!" This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, "Quickly! Another beer! It's gonna start any second!" "That's it!" She blows her top. "You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave! Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?" The husband sighed. "Oh shit. It's started." -------------------- Common sense is not that common
VINO 4-ever |
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| ravinder |
Gepost op: 25 Jun 2009, 21:52
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 -------------------- ''live long and prosper''
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| Veritas |
Gepost op: 26 Jun 2009, 16:14
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En iedereen denken, dat ik met een nieuwe kwam...  |
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| Veritas |
Gepost op: 30 Jun 2009, 18:02
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--- New Dentures A couple of old guys were golfing one day, when one of the men said that he was going to go to Dr. Basil for a new set of dentures in the morning. His elderly friend remarked that he, too, had gone to the very same dentist two years before. "Is that so?" the first old gentleman asked. "Did he do a good job?" The second gent replied, "Well, I was on the golf course yesterday when the fellow on the ninth hole hooked a shot. The ball must have been going at least 200 mph when it smacked me right in the nuts." The first old guy was confused and asked, "What does that have to do with your dentures?" "Well," the second man answered, "that was the first time in two years that my teeth didn't hurt." |
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| hardrijder |
Gepost op: 30 Jun 2009, 18:12
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 -------------------- Duurzame economische groei: Realiseerbaar doel of een onmogelijk scenario?
It's not how much we have, but how much we enjoy that makes hapiness L'Afrique, continent des possibilités! Water means life, supplying it means giving opportunity's |
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| Veritas |
Gepost op: 30 Jun 2009, 19:33
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 MY NEW TRUCK I bought a new Dodge Durango and returned to the dealer yesterday because I couldn't get the radio to work. The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated. 'Nelson,' the salesman said to the radio. The radio replied, 'Ricky or Willie?' 'Willie!' he continued and 'On The Road Again' came from the speakers. Then he said, 'Ray Charles!', and in an instant ' Georgia On My Mind' replaced Willie Nelson. I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say, 'Beethoven,' I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I said, 'Beatles,' I'd get one of their awesome songs. Yesterday, some guy ran a red light and nearly creamed my new truck, but I swerved in time to avoid him. I yelled, 'Ass Hole!' Immediately the radio responded with, "Ladies and gentlemen, the Prime Minister of the Netherlands, Mr. J.P. Balkenende." Damn I love this truck...... |
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| Veritas |
Gepost op: 30 Jun 2009, 19:45
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A woman from Vancouver , who was a tree hugger and anti-hunter, purchased acres of timberland near Lake Cowichan , Vancouver Island . There was a huge tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to view the natural splendor of her land, so she climbed the tree. As she neared the top, she encountered an endangered spotted owl. It attacked her! In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground. The ensuing fall incurred several splinters of wood in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest doctor, 35 minutes away in Duncan . She told him she was an environmentalist and anti-hunter and how she came to receive all of the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience. He then told her to go into the examining room and he would see if he could help. The impatient patient sat, and sat, and waited for three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry woman demanded, 'What took you so long?' He smiled and said, 'Well, I had to get permits from Environment Canada , BC Forest Service, and Worksafe BC before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area. I'm sorry, but they turned me down.' OH CANADA ! |
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| Krosmo |
Gepost op: 30 Jun 2009, 20:42
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Ik vergeet moppen altijd
-------------------- Ik hoef geen rechten, doe mij maar vrijheid.
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| Veritas |
Gepost op: 1 Jul 2009, 15:28
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A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day, while taking a stroll, she came upon a gentleman neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes. The woman asked the gentlemen, "What do you do to get your tomatoes so red?" The gentlemen responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden naked in my trench coat and flash them. My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much." Well, the woman was so impressed; she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work. So twice a day for two weeks she flashed her garden hoping for the best. One day the gentleman was passing by and asked the woman, "By the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?" No", she replied, "but my cucumbers are enormous." |
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| Veritas |
Gepost op: 2 Jul 2009, 14:43
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A job for Freddie?? One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. Unfortunately, as soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office. The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as a gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts the job. So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before the crowd comes. He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he tires of just swinging on tires. He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his. Not wanting to lose the attention of the audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top of the lion's cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it. At the end of the day the zoo keeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction as a gorilla. Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps taunting the lion, the crowds grow larger, and his salary keeps going up. Then one terrible day when he is dangling over the furious lion he slips and falls. The mime is terrified. The lion gathers himself and prepares to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run round and round the cage with the lion close behind. Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, "Help, help me!", but the lion is quick and pounces. The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion and the lion says..... "Shut up you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?" |
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| Freddie |
Gepost op: 3 Jul 2009, 22:29
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3 Amerikaanse legergeneraals gaan tegelijkertijd met pensioen, hun pensioen wordt uitgekeerd op de volgende manier: een lichaamsdeel tot een ander lichaamsdeel in cm en dat maal 5000 gulden. De 1e generaal zegt; ik wil uitbetaald van mijn kin tot mijn tenen, ong 160 cm en dat maal 5000 piek krijgt ie. De 2e generaal zegt; ik wil van mijn teen tot mijn voorhoofd, ong 180 cm en dat maal 5000 piek krijgt ie. De 3e generaal zegt ik wil van het toppie van mijn eikel tot mijn ballen, de doctor meet het op en vraagt: waar zijn uw ballen? Generaal antwoord: Die liggen nog in VIETNAM!!!!!
-------------------- They can buy, but can't put on my clothes...
I don't want to limp for them to walk... Never would have known of me before... I don't want to be held in your debt... I'll pay it off in blood, let I be wed... I'm already cut up and half dead... I'll end up alone like I began... |
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| lars91 |
Gepost op: 3 Jul 2009, 22:31
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-------------------- Ons aller Ajax
Save Water, drink Beer |
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| Veritas |
Gepost op: 4 Jul 2009, 14:21
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ouwe...maar toch leuk dat je hier iets plaats... |
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| Veritas |
Gepost op: 6 Jul 2009, 20:16
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Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation. Apparently someone slipped something into their drinks, and they woke up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before. The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, 'I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the Almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent.' They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her. The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words... 'I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.' They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her. The last one (you knew it), a blonde, is strapped in and says, 'Well, I'm from the University of Tennessee and just grad uated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell ya right now, y'all ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in.... |
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| Veritas |
Gepost op: 10 Jul 2009, 14:58
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Maria had just gotten married, and being a traditional Italian she was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was very nervous. Her mother reassured her; 'Don't worry, Maria, Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you. Meanwhile, I'll be making pasta.' So, up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, 'Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest.' 'Don't worry, Maria,' says the mother, 'all good men have hairy chests..Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you.' So, up she went again.. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. 'Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!' 'Don't worry! All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you.' So, up she went again. When she got there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. 'Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!' Her Mama said, 'Maria, you stay here and stir the pasta.' |
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| Veritas |
Gepost op: 30 Jul 2009, 22:21
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FEMALE COMPASSION the depth and breadth of it is truly amazing! A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs. Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man. The first woman said 'Have you ever had a hug?' The man said 'No,' so she gave him a hug and walked on. The second woman said, 'Have you ever had a kiss?' The man said, 'No,' so she gave him a kiss and walked on. The third woman came to him and said, 'Have you ever been f****d?' The fellow's eyes lit up and with a big grin he said, 'No.' She said, 'You will be when the tide comes in.' |
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| ravinder |
Gepost op: 30 Jul 2009, 22:56
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-------------------- ''live long and prosper''
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| dreetje |
Gepost op: 30 Jul 2009, 23:03
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Sterk. -------------------- My life is a failure, but I'm a success.
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| Veritas |
Gepost op: 4 Aug 2009, 17:48
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Drie Belgen en drie Nederlanders gaan samen met de trein op stap.
De drie Nederlanders kopen elk een ticket aan het loket. De drie Belgen kopen samen maar één ticket. De Nederlanders zijn verwonderd: 'hoe gaan jullie dàt doen'? 'Dat zul je wel zien' zeggen de Belgen. Op de trein begint de controleur aan zijn ronde en de drie Belgen gaan samen op één toilet. De conducteur controleert de kaartjes van de Nederlanders, alles ok. Hij komt bij het toilet, klopt op de deur en de Belgen schuiven hun ticket onder de deur. De conducteur controleert het ticket, zegt 'ok.' en schuift het terug onder de deur. De volgende dag nemen ze allen terug de trein. De drie Nederlanders kopen samen maar één ticket. De drie Belgen kopen er geen. De Nederlanders zijn nog meer verwonderd: 'HOE gaan jullie DAT doen'? 'Dat zul je wel zien' zeggen de Belgen. Op de trein begint de controleur aan zijn ronde en de drie Nederlanders gaan samen op één toilet. De drie Belgen gaan ook samen op één toilet; maar de laatste Belg klopt eerst op de deur van het toilet van de Nederlanders. De Nederlanders schuiven hun ticket onder de deur................... |
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